The Transformers Meet the California Highway Patrol!
by James Dean y2k
Summary: The Transformers take the battle to the city of Los Angeles when the Autobots discover a gang of tech-savvy thieves linked to the Decepticons! Now, they must team with the California Highway Patrol to face the cunning Decepticons and their human allies mano a mano!


The Transformers Meet the California Highway Patrol!

* * *

Starring

Prowl

Hot Spot

First Aid

Groove

Blades

Streetwise

Red Alert

Inferno

Ratchet

Hot Rod

Jazz

Beachcomber

Skyfire

* * *

Swindle

Brawl

Onslaught

Blast Off

Vortex

Blitzwing

Starscream

Dirge

Thrust

Ramjet

Skywarp

Thundercracker

Astrotrain

* * *

With Optimus Prime and Megatron,

Myself as Officer Dean McQueen/7-Mary-14 &amp; Cadet Danny McQueen,

Xtreme Gamer as Officer Brian Barstow/7-Adam,

And EVAN AAML as Officer Evan Oakley/7-Mary-4!

+Characters loosely based off of "CHiPs" characters created by Rick Rosner.

*I do not own "The Transformers" or "CHiPs."

* * *

March 29, 1991

Autobot City, California

* * *

"Lousy Protectobots! Slipped one right under those blue-and-white-do-gooders!" A green tank shouted.

"Yeah, right Brawl?" A yellow jeep shouted.

"Eat bullets, Protectobot scum!" A gray helicopter said as it let loose a few shots on the Protectobots and Combaticons.

"Hold your fire, Vortex! The Protectobots are down here but so are we! You might hit us!" The jeep shouted to the helicopter named Vortex.

"Ah, quit yer blubberin', Swindle! I'll hit them Protectobots with my eyes closed!" Vortex shouted as he prepared to rain fire.

"Damn you Swindle! I'm the leader here and I say fire away!" A carrier truck said.

"But, Onslaught! He'll hit us!" Swindle shouted.

"I don't care! It's a small fucking price to pay! VORTEX, FIRE LIKE HELL!" The carrier truck named Onslaught shouted to Swindle.

* * *

"Great Cybertron! He's really letting us have it, huh, Groove?" A police car asked.

"It's a bitch!" A police motorcycle shouted.

"Watch your language, Groove! Streetwise, get over there! Try to get the control disk back!" A blue fire truck shouted to the police car, who was presumably named Streetwise.

"But Hot Spot, what happens when he does get in there? He'll just get ran off the road without a plan!" An emergency van shouted.

"I'm no Optimus Prime. But hopefully, he can pull something out of his exhaust port." The fire truck named Hot Spot said.

* * *

"Goddamn it, Vortex! I'm hit!" Swindle shouted.

"Shut up, Swindle! Vortex, focus on this Protectobot headed into our ranks!" Onslaught ordered.

"Fuck you, Protectobot!" Vortex shouted.

"Kill that son of a bitch, Vortex!" The tank named Brawl shouted.

"Holy shit!" Streetwise shouted as he dodged a few shots and made them hit Swindle again.

"Fuck! I'm leaking!" Swindle shouted.

"Get on you big baby!" Onslaught ordered as Swindle drove onto Onslaught's carrier.

"Shit! Stay still, Protectobot Scum!" Vortex shouted.

"Let me take him out, Vortex, you sad excuse for a Combaticon!" A brown space shuttle shouted.

"No! Blast Off, don't!" Swindle shouted.

"Fuck you, you Protectobot piece of shit!" The shuttle known as Blast Off shouted as he dove down towards Streetwise.

"Asshole." Streetwise muttered as he swerved and made Blast Off crash into the ground, and as a result made Brawn, Onslaught, and Swindle all crash.

"He said 'don't!'." Vortex said from above.

Streetwise transformed, and walked over to the fallen Combaticons. "I'll take THIS back!" Streetwise said as he grabbed a disk-like object from Swindle's seats.

"Go to the scrap heap, Streetwise..." Swindle weakly said.

"You first, scumbag..." Streetwise whispered as he grabbed Swindle and rolled him off of Autobot Hill.

"You no good son of a mother-" Brawl said as Groove and Hot Spot neared his location.

"Shut up, ya Combaticon turkey." Hot Spot said as he and Groove pushed him down the hill.

"I'm not too old for this shit yet!" Onslaught shouted as he transformed and drew a laser pistol. "I'll still beat the shit outta all of you Protectobot scumbags at once!" Onslaught challenged as he holstered his pistol.

"What about me, Onslaught?" A voice called from behind as a white and black robot with doors for wings (aesthetic purposes only, they are not functioning wings) jumped and tackled him down.

"No fair, you dumb shit! You attacked me from behind!" Onslaught cried. On the side, all one could hear were the chants

"Get 'em, Prowl!...Knock his ass down the damn hill, Prowl!...Show him who's the big boss around here, Prowl!", Courtesy of the Protectobots that had their hands free at the time as Blades, the Autobots' equivalent to Vortex, was hunting down the latter, while First Aid was rolling Blast Off down the hill. The Autobot known as Prowl then went on to temporarily shut down Onslaught by tweaking a few of Onslaught's wires in his head. Prowl was a hero to these Protectobots although he loathed the praise. Prowl then shoved Onslaught down the hill with the rest of the Combaticons.

"We're done. No more Whiskey flavored Energon here, let's go!" Prowl said as he transformed into a Datsun Fairlady 280 XZ and drove off towards Autobot City. The rest of the Protectobots also transformed, First Aid into an ambulance, Hot Spot into a fire engine, Streetwise into a custom-painted police 1983 Mustang, and Groove into a police motorcycle, as Blades the helicopter returned from searching.

* * *

"Prowl! How did the hunt go?" A red and blue robot asked. He had a plate over his face, covering him up to below the eyes, and it moved as he spoke. This was Optimus Prime, the one Autobot who needs no introduction but you're getting it anyway. He is the leader of the Autobots, and the bravest, second wisest, and third oldest Autobot on the team after Omega Supreme and Ironhide.

"Swell. We ran into the Combaticons and had a tea party, but they got sick so we escorted them out." Prowl said with a straight face.

"Excellent job, Prowl!" Optimus Prime said.

"I didn't do anything, it was all the Protectobots! I just sat back and enjoyed." Prowl said.

"Oh yeah?" Optimus Prime asked.

"I... think it was all us- I mean we had issues with Onslaught then Prowl came and whupped his tailpipe across the galaxy! I tell ya Prime, it was the best thing I'd seen since I'd first landed here and discovered 'CHiPs'!" Hot Spot reported.

"Well, whoever did it, congratulations to you all. Anyway, I've got an assignment. My sources tell me that there was a robbery at this electronics store in Los Angeles. That's not far, but go investigate there. Now then, Prowl, Hot Spot, Blades, Groove, Streetwise, and First Aid, you will rendezvous with Ratchet, Red Alert, Inferno and Hot Rod in downtown as they had dispatched to the call and arrived even before the California Highway Patrol! They will give you pointers and reinforcements when you catch the culprits." Optimus Prime explained.

"Ten-four. Protectobots, roll out!" Prowl ordered as he and the Protectobots transformed into their respective alt modes.

* * *

"I can't believe Prime left us with domestic affairs!" A magenta and orange robot shouted.

"Oh, give it a rest, will ya, Hot Rod? You've been at it for six hours already!" A red and chrome robot shouted.

"Please do, Hot Rod! It's very bad for your vocal processors, And you'll get an ulcer that way, you know." A white and red robot warned politely.

"Shut up, guys! I'm listening to the police scanners!" A red and white Lamborghini Countach shouted.

"Whatever, Red Alert, you're just listening for that hot blonde Highway Patrol officer from the crime scene! Did ya get her call numbers or what?" Hot Rod said.

"I said shut up, Hot Rod!" Red Alert shouted. "She could be anywhere..." Red Alert whispered.

"No way! Even if she was, what could she do?" Hot Rod asked.

"Come on, Roddy, don't piss him off, please?" The red and chrome robot said.

"But I love it when he gets pissed off, Inferno! He's very hilarious!" Hot Rod said.

"Seriously, Hot Rod, stop talking, or else I'll put you in a deep sleep, and clip your vocal cords. I really don't want to, cause I love to hear the things you have to say, but now is just not the time or place for it!" The white and red robot lectured softly.

"OK, but only cause YOU said so, Ratchet, and I couldn't tell ya what to do unless it's a matter of life and death." Hot Rod explained. About ten minutes passed as all four Autobots listened to the police scanners. After at least ten minutes, suddenly...

"Anybody else craving an Energon Pepsi and an Energon Donut?"

"SHUT UP, HOT ROD!" Everybody shouted

"Gosh, tough crowd, eh?" Hot Rod said as he turned away from the three battle hardened veterans. He was then spooked and jumped as he turned to face Prowl, the highest ranking officer present, and probably the fourth most intimidating Autobot after Smokescreen, Ironhide and Optimus Prime.

"GREAT CYBERTRON!" Hot Rod shouted as Prowl just stood there. "You nearly scared me to death!"

"And you shoulda seen it coming! Come on, Hot Rod, you know Prowl by now. Least you should, I mean you're the only Autobot with enough speeding tickets to cover all of your walls in multiple layers!" Red Alert remarked.

"At least I don't need an energy jolt or two to keep calm, Red Alert!" Hot Rod retorted.

"Both of you, Stop!" Prowl shouted as everyone was silence, stopped what they were doing and turned to face Prowl.

"Now then..." Hot Spot started. "We heard of a robbery in these parts. What, Who, Where, When, and Why?" Hot Spot finished.

"What was stolen? Uh..." Inferno started as he puzzled to remember what it was called that had been stolen.

"A radio, bunch of tapes, bunch of batteries, a record player and a bunch of records." Ratchet finished.

"And they have us stationed here for this bull? What a waste of my time!" Hot Rod said, frustrated upon hearing the stolen items.

"What are you talking about? You don't do anything around the base except cause trouble and make out with Arcee all day!" Red Alert shouted as he transformed in to his robot mode.

"He does what?" All five Protectobots asked in unison and shock. Prowl just raised an eyebrow.

"All he does is make out with Arcee all day! What a waste of MY time!" Red Alert shouted.

"Here we go again..." Ratchet said in the background.

"You're a freaking perv, Red! Why do you watch me and Arcee make out?" Hot Rod asked.

"I didn't know that till now!" Red Alert shouted.

"You son of a-" Hot Rod cursed.

"Bring it!" Red Alert challenged.

"I'm gonna fuh yu azza- I gots twos fund ur aaa-" Hot Rod said as he collapsed on the spot.

"That's right! Shus yo mouf- Shoot ya mot-" Red Alert shouted as he also collapsed the same way Hot Rod did.

"Take a rest, kids..." Prowl said, standing tall over the fallen Autobots.

"Dang. Remind ME not to get on HIS bad side, Groove." Blades said.

"Remind me first, Blades." Groove said.

"Great Cybertron, Prowl!" Ratchet started. "Did you HAVE to use the tranquilizer bolts on them?" Ratchet asked.

"It WAS getting very noisy around here, Ratchet. Besides-" Inferno started as he heard sirens in the background. "We got company." Inferno finished.

"Autobots, Protectobots, transform and don't make ANY sudden moves! Under no circumstances are you to blow your cover! I repeat, DO NOT BLOW YOUR COVER!" Prowl ordered as all Autobots/Protectobots present, except Hot Rod and Red Alert, transformed. Inferno transforms into a big red fire engine, Ratchet into a white ambulance van with a red cross on his side, the Protectobots into their respective alt modes, and Prowl to his Police Datsun.

* * *

The sirens got louder until they showed up. There were two police motorcycles, similar in every way to Groove's alt mode, and a standard police car. All three of the vehicles either said "California Highway Patrol", "Highway Patrol", or "Police". They were cops, and CHiPs none the less (CHiPs = California HIghway Patrol). Three people got out from the vehicles: one about 5"9', had thick, black hair, brown eyes, dark, tanned skin, probably Hispanic, another about 6'0, had a slight tan, had short curly black hair, and brown eyes, probably a New Yorker, definitely a cop, and a third about 5'11, a lighter skin color than the tallest guy, had blue eyes, black hair, and was definitely a New Yorker. They all were pretty tough looking in their CHP uniforms.

"The hell are these?" The Hispanic cop asked.

"They look like Autobots." The tallest cop said.

"Are they?" The third cop asked.

"Let's get 'em to base and have Louis check 'em out!" The tallest cop said as he ran to his car and started talking on his CB radio.

"How the hell is he gonna take these giant robots back to base?" The Hispanic cop asked.

"I don't know, but he's doing it alone..." The third cop said.

"Why?" The Hispanic cop asked.

"Cause, Max, no one's gonna believe him." The third cop responded.

"S-4, this is 7-Adam, requesting a tow truck, do you copy?" The tall cop asked.

‹"S-4 to 7-Adam, ten four. Tow truck en route. Copy?"›

"So much for no one believing Barstow, eh Evan?" The cop named Max asked as the cop named Evan stood with his jaw ready to detach from his skull.

After a long pause, he simply said: "Well ain't that a son of a gun?"

"Uh... Lopez, what's wrong with Evan?" The cop named Barstow asked as he returned from his cruiser.

"He's shocked that Walker didn't question your request for a tow truck." Max said.

"Why would he?"

"Well, you'll be taking two gargantuan robots to base! Why would Walker NOT question you about it?"

"Don't question the logic. If you do, the whole story will fall apart, Max." Barstow replied.

"Whatever that means, OK!" Max said.

"Evan, you can snap out of your stupor now! The tow truck is here!" Barstow shouted.

"Huh? Oh." Evan said as drool came from out of his mouth from his jaw being open through it all.

"How's your jaw?" Max asked.

"It's sore."

"I'll bet. Come on, let's help Barstow get these guys outta here before he reports us to Walker for it. Besides it's getting dark and our shifts end in an hour." Max explained.

"Yeah, alright. How does Walker not question him but gives us enough questions to make our own season of 'Family Feud'?" Evan asked.

"That baloney." Max said to Evan.

* * *

10 minutes later, after Evan, Max and Barstow have left in their vehicles...

* * *

"Great Cybertron! They just kidnapped Hot Rod and Red Alert!" Inferno shouted.

"Calm down, Inferno!" Groove said.

"I know! Give me some bungee cords, and have Spike and Carly come with me and we'll TAKE Hot Rod and Red Alert back!" Blades exclaimed, earning himself a smack in the face by Prowl.

"You idiot! We can't STEAL things! Especially from the CHP!" Hot Spot said.

"Vector Sigma, Prowl! Did you have to hit me so hard? I think my motherboard moved!" Blades complained(BTW: Motherboard=Brain).

"Ah, cut your complaining, Blades! We'll figure something out! We always do!" Streetwise said.

* * *

"Well," A short man in a lab coat started as he stood up and turned to face the various CHP officers grouped to listen to what he has to say. "These are definitely Autobots! Where'd you find em?" The short guy asked.

"A few blocks from the store that was robbed earlier. Why?" Officer Barstow replied.

"I'd say that these two were involved, but I couldn't say for sure. The Autobots have a good reputation for preventing these kind of things when they aren't being chased by their nemeses." The short man started. "Turner, you said you saw a white Lamborghini Countach with all these insignias and designs, right?"

"That's what I said, Louis. All of these logos, nearly identical to the Lambo I saw at the crime scene." An African-American cop, who must've been named Turner said.

"Well, maybe these two know something that we don't." A cop who had brown hair, blue eyes, was greying at the temples, and looked at least ten years older than the rest of the CHiPs, (who are about 18-27) said above everyone else.

"I guess we'll find out when they wake up, Sarge." The short man named Louis said.

"Guess so. Now then..." The man known only as Sarge for the time being started as he went back to his podium at the front of the room/garage where they were at. "I also wanted to advise you, be on the lookout for three street punks that had been revealed to have hit the electronics store earlier. It turns out this wasn't their first hit. They'd been going at it all over the state of California." Sarge stated as he pointed to the areas where they had hit. They hit everywhere. "Their names and faces aren't known yet, but they could be anywhere. Lopez, Barstow, Oakley, in my office after this. The rest of you, goodnight!" Sarge finished.

"Ooh! You guys are gonna get it now!" A brunette, gray eyed female cop said with a smirk as she walked out of the garage/room.

"Oh, Whatever, Cindy! You're just jealous that WE found those Autobots and you didn't!" Barstow shouted with a smirk on his face.

"He's really proud of himself cause he found those Autobots, huh, Evan?" Max asked Evan as he nodded as the trio left to Sarge's office.

* * *

"Now Brian," Sarge started. "How did you know they were Autobots?"

"It was a hunch." Barstow said.

"He mentioned Autobots when we found them, but none of us knew for sure." Evan explained.

"Well, we have to return them somehow. Is there anyway to communicate with the Autobots?"

"Not that we know of, Sarge." Evan replied.

"Well then," Sarge began. "Like Louis said, we'll need to wait for them to wake up."

"Fine by us, sir!" Barstow replied.

"Alright then, meet up with Louis in the garage, and wait there till they wake up, then call me." Sarge ordered.

"You got it, Joe!" Max said.

"That's uh- Sergeant Walker to you, Lopez, Oakley, Barstow..." Sarge, or Sergeant Walker said to Max with a slight grin on his face.

* * *

"-that's messed up how that movie 'Lethal Weapon' says that cops shoot black people." A blonde hair, blue eyed male police officer said as he walked in with a African American cop, the same one from earlier who's name was Turner, along with Barstow, Max and Evan.

"THAT'S messed up how you let it bug you, Maddy." Turner said.

"Yeah, yeah. Its messed up. Where's Louis?" The cop named Maddy asked.

"I could ask you guys the same thing." A female voice called from the shadows of the garage.

"Who's there?" Max shouted as he had a hint of panic in his voice.

"The lights! Turn on the lights!" Maddy said as Evan went to go turn on the lights.

"Wow. You guys are a bunch of big babies." The female voice said with a grin on her face, which she was now exposed to the cops. She had blonde hair, blue eyes, and the same uniform that everyone else walked around in at the CHP. Her hands were on her hips, and she has this warm, beautiful smile, and stood if she was searching for clues.

"Randi? What are you doing here alone? And in the dark?" Evan asked.

"Inspecting these Autobots. They really fascinated me earlier and I didn't want to observe them in front of Walker. God knows what he would say." The female cop named Randi explained as her grin changed and now looked more like she was trying to figure out a Rubik's Cube.

"Well he's gonna show up later so I don't think you wanna be here when he shows." Turner warned.

"And what are you doing in here without Louis' supervision?" Barstow asked.

"I told you, I was fascinated by these two, especially this one..." Randi explained, pointing to Hot Rod's body.

"This one?" Max asked. "I'd be more intrigued by the Lambo..." Max said.

"That's your problem..." Randi said as Max and Evan looked at each other thinking 'What did she say?'. "This one, it's fascinating. By the looks of its face, it must have the mentality of a teenager..." Randi explained as she thought hard about something she had probably forgotten. "Now that I think of it, it reminds me of James Dean..."

"James Dean? The dead actor from the 1950s?" Max asked as Randi nodded. "OK..." Max muttered.

"Don't be ridiculous, Randi..." Maddy chuckled.

"You never know, Maddy. Maybe there was somebody smart enough to build a robot with emotions." Turner pondered.

"Maybe..." Randi said as she snapped her fingers. "Maybe it's not man-made at all..."

"So what are you saying: it was BORN?" Barstow asked.

"I didn't say that. I said it wasn't MAN-made, not that it was born." Randi corrected.

"You're pretty smart for having only seen these two twice, Randi." A voice from behind called.

"Well thanks! I spent a couple of years at MIT, and..." Randi began as she noticed the men laughing. "What's so funny?" Randi asked innocently.

"You just got busted!" Max said as Randi turned around and noticed the voice was Louis.

"Dang it!" Randi cursed.

"No really though, great analysis!" Louis said.

"Thanks..." Randi said as she got discouraged from ever trying to sound smart about machines again.

"Don't worry about it, they do that to me all the time! They stall me till Walker shows up," Louis started as Randi noticed Sergeant Walker walking up behind Louis and the men trying to regain their composure. "And then, they BURST in laughter when Walker scares the living daylights outta me!" Louis said as Walker shrugs his shoulders behind him in a "I didn't know THAT" kind of manner. Then, the men started struggling to hold in their laughter. Maddy started turning purple so he fell down, still struggling to keep his composure. Walker followed Louis with a straight face.

"Like that?" Randi asked, pointed at Maddy.

"Yeah, but without Maddy turning purple, and without Evan jumping around like a frog." Louis said.

"That reminds me, if they're laughing..."

"Nah! They're trying to scare me!" Louis reasoned.

"You sure you don't wanna just turn around and check right quick?"

"Nah! Besides, I think I have the answer to your questions!" Louis said as he turned around and ran right into Sergeant Walker. "Ahh! Randi! Why didn't you warn me?" Louis shouted.

"I did! I tried! But nooo! Nobody listens to a woman! Especially not a blonde woman!" Randi shouted as the rest of the men burst into laughter... Again.

"Sad but true." Walker chuckled with a slightly sadness in his grin.

"Sergeant Walker, you're early!" Maddy noticed rather late after the laughing had died down.

"Yeah, and some people are late..." Walker noticed. "Where's Bruce, Tina, Cindy and Dean?"

"Cindy should've been here by now and Dean's probably giving some poor girl a hard time with his womanizer garb... Bruce and Tina? Beats the living daylights outta me!" Turner explained.

"That's exactly where I am, Frankie!" A brunette shouted from the door. This was the same brunette cop from earlier now in civilian attire. She wore skinny jeans, a blue t-shirt and biker's boots.

"Cindy, where's Bruce, Dean and Tina?" Walker asked.

"Tina's changing out of her uniform, Dean's giving some girl a hard time, and Bruce is trying and failing badly to get him over here." Tina explained.

"OK. That reminds me, it's after our shifts, so go change, everyone." Walker ordered.

"Tina, you and I watch over the robots. Joe, go change, we got this." Louis said.

"Alright, If you say..." Walker, who's first name was Joe said.

* * *

10 minutes later...

* * *

Everyone walked back into the garage in civilian attire.

Max now wore a brown leather jacket, a blue T-shirt, and blue jeans with work boots.

Evan wore a white T-shirt, blue denim jacket, and blue jeans with blue and white sneakers and a Los Angeles Dodgers Baseball Cap.

Barstow wore a black leather jacket, red T-shirt, and blue jeans with black Nike shoes.

Turner wore a brown leather jacket, white T-shirt, and black jeans with white Nike shoes.

Maddy wore a yellow button up short sleeve shirt and khakis with work boots.

Sergeant,or Joe Walker walked out, ironically the most lightly dressed of the group. He wore a blue and red-striped polo short sleeve shirt and khakis with white Nike's.

Randi wore a red T-shirt, blue jeans, and short black leather boots.

When the cop named Cindy came out, she had a green T-shirt, blue jeans, and those weird shoes that girls wear. Her hair was black, unlike Randi and Tina, who have blonde and dark brown hair respectively, but had brown eyes.

"OK. I take it that Dean and Bruce are still missing..." Walker said.

"Very." Max assumed.

"I'd like to call shenanigans on that statement, Max." A voice said from outside the garage.

"Yeah! We call bullshit, Max!" A younger voice called from outside also.

"Watch your language, McQueen! There are women present!" The first voice said.

"Oh, cry me a river, Stevens!" The second voice said.

"Bruce, Dean, you're late." Walker said.

"Do you even know what we found?" Louis stepped forward and asked.

"Those pesky criminals?" The first guy asked.

"An endless supply of randy redheads?" The second guy asked.

"Dean, you little son of a-" Cindy began as Bruce, the first guy stepped in front of the second guy, named Dean, saving his hide yet again, while Max, Evan, and Turner struggled to keep Randi and Tina under control.

"Gosh, darn it, Dean! Aren't you ever gonna learn?" Maddy shouted to Dean.

"No." Dean replied sassilly.

"He'll learn alright, but he'll do it, the hard way." Louis explained. "Let it happen, Maddy." Louis pleaded.

"Oh, I know I'm gonna regret this..." Maddy muttered as he turned to Randi and Tina, who had kicked Evan in the crotch and punched Turner in the face, leaving Max to fend for himself. Then turned to Cindy who was clawing at Dean while being held back by Bruce. "Let him have it, girls!" Maddy shouted as Randi and Tina trampled over Max, and Cindy shoved Bruce out of the way, leaving Dean virtually defenseless. Cindy kicked Dean in the crotch, twice, then Randi broke Dean's nose, also twice, and Tina scratched him so hard, he had looked like he fell off a cliff, fell into a stampede, and got attacked by hyenas when the girls were done.

"I knew it! I'm regretting this already!" Maddy shouted.

"You should, Maddy..." A fallen Max, Evan, Turner, and Bruce said all in unison.

"It's like they say, Louis, 'Hell hath no fury like a woman's scorn!' Lesson here? Don't piss off a lady, cause this could happen:" Walker explains to you guys as he points to Dean and in the process, breaks the fourth wall.

"I'll live..." Dean silently cried.

"Huh? What's that? SHUT UP!" Tina shouted as she kicked Dean in the crotch again.

"Three times in the crotch..." Barstow said as his and Maddy's hands moved to cover their own respective crotches.

"Smart guys," Louis remarked.

"Are we done?" Walker asked.

"We are," Randi said.

"But Tina? Doesn't even look close to done!" Cindy said.

"Too bad, Tina..." Randi said as she knocked her out and she and Cindy dragged her to the other side of the room.

"We found a couple of Autobots over by the crime scene, well, Brian, Max and Evan did." Louis explained.

"Don't look at us!" Evan shouted as he recovered from Cindy's beating.

"Yeah! It was all Brian's idea!" Max shouted as he recovered from Randi's and Cindy's beating

"We can actually say that's true..." Brian Barstow said.

"Oh. So you found some Transformers? Good thing you found the good ones!" Bruce noticed, as he recovered from getting trampled by Tina.

"Wait, these are the good ones?" Turner asked, recovering from Randi's beating.

"Yeah! Optimus Prime is their leader! I could contact them if you'd like..." Bruce said.

"If you can, then do it!" Walker said.

"I'll get on it Joe!" Bruce said.

"Uh, guys..." Maddy called.

"Yeah, Paul?" Barstow asked.

"Is that supposed to happen?" Maddy asked as he noticed a whirring sound coming from the Autobots.

"Louis!" Barstow shouted.

"What? What's happe- Oh shoot!" Louis cursed.

"What? What's happening?" Tina asked.

"They're waking up..." Randi said in astonishment.

"Bruce! What do you make of this?" Walker said.

"They might be waking!" Bruce said.

"Duh..." Dean said from on the ground.

"We have got to duct tape his mouth shut one these days!" Bruce said.

"Damn right!"

* * *

"He's waking up! He's waking up and I feel funny!" Randi shouted as everyone turned around to face her, all with a disturbed look on their faces.

"Just shut up, Randi! And be prepared to draw!" Cindy shouted.

"Got it!" Randi said.

"On the count of three!" Evan shouted. "One!"

The Autobots stirred.

"Two!" Max shouted.

The Autobots began moving.

"Three!"

Everyone drew as the Autobots woke up.

"Aw! What happened? Aw man! My spoiler is scra- Whoa! Humans! How you guys do-" Hot Rod started as the CHP officers grabbed their guns.

(I don't know how they still have their guns, just don't question the logic! If you do, the whole story will just fall apart! And this kind of thing happened on the 1980s Transformers cartoon all the time! Sue me!)

"CHP! Freeze!" Evan, Randi, Tina (who regained consciousness), Cindy, Max and Turner said at the same time.

"What happened? I'm gonna kill you Hot Ro- Wait! Something's wrong!" Red Alert shouted.

"Ya think? We're surrounded by CHiPs!" Hot Rod shouted.

"Freeze!" Barstow shouted as he drew his gun, and turned it on Red Alert.

"Wait a minute! We're not the bad guys!" Red Alert pleaded.

"Hey look, Red! It's your blonde girlfriend!" Hot Rod said, referring to Randi.

"Are you talking about me up there?" Randi asked.

"I thought you'd never ask! What's your name, sweetheart?" Hot Rod asked.

"7-Charles," Randi lied. "Why?" Randi asked.

"That's her call number, ya old timer!" Hot Rod said.

"Shut up!" Red Alert shouted. "We're not your enemies! Please put away your weapons!" Red Alert pleaded.

"Joe?" Max asked.

"What should we do?" Turner asked.

"Put em away. They haven't posed a threat to us so far..." Walker ordered.

"So that's how you ended up where you were, huh?" Tina asked.

"You could say that, I mean Red's the most argument-prone of all the Autobots!" Hot Rod explained.

"Blow it out your exhaust port, Hot Rod!" Red Alert shouted.

"You first, Red!" Hot Rod shouted as Randi stepped in between the Autobots.

"Stop that! Now! Red Alert, you seem like a sweet bot, but..." Randi started.

"Ooh! Beastiality with Robots!" A fully recovered and now out of his uniform Dean said, much to the disappointment of everyone in the room.

"SHUT UP DEAN!" Everyone but the Autobots shouted.

"Uptight snobs." Dean muttered.

"Sssssshhhhh!" Bruce, also out of his uniform whispered.

"But, the thing is," Randi continued. "I'm actually attracted to Hot Rod."

"What?" Everyone but Dean and Hot Rod shouted in unison as Red Alert collapsed.

"Asshole." Hot Rod muttered as he turned back to Randi. "Why me?"

"Cause, you really fascinated me..." Randi responded with googly eyes.

"Randy Randi..." Dean muttered as Bruce grabbed him and lead him out of the room. (BTW that is not a spelling or grammar error, Dean is calling Randi, randy, so...)

"Wow... Just... Wow..." Tina muttered as she turned from watching Dean get lead outta the room, to listening to Hot Rod and Randi's conversation.

"I? Fascinated you? Well, Sorry, I'm taken! It couldn't happen anyway." Hot Rod said.

"Taken? By who? Or what?" Randi asked.

"A fembot named Arcee. You remind me of her except for the fact that you seem like you're a lot less needy." Hot Rod explained.

"Needy?"

"Well, if you knew what happened with me and her at base, you'd wonder why I'm always seen making out her. Well it's because she has me magnetized to her, LITERALLY!" Hot Rod explained.

"Wait, so she puts super magnets in between you guys and THAT'S why you and Red Alert don't get along?" Tina asked, trying to understand what was going on.

"Whoa! You guys are asking things very irrelevant! Where's your leader?" Walker asked. "Ah! What was his name?! Optimistic? Optimization? Opera? Octopus? Octagonal? Optional? Optimal? O-"

"Optimus Prime?" Hot Rod asked.

"Yeah, him. Is there a way to reach him?" Walker asked.

"Sorta, but me and Red are on an assignment so he can't know about this. We're in a sub unit led by one of Prime's Lieutenants, Prowl. He's a hard ass!" Hot Rod explained.

"He'd probably be a great leader!" Turner input.

"Maybe, but he's too rigid in my opinion!" Hot Rod said.

"Are there any other Lieutenants we could contact?" Louis asked.

"Prowl doesn't carry a communicator so he's out, the only way reach him is to find him. Ironhide, the stereotypical badass, is on a mission of his own, and he's too far away, and Jazz, the field commander, is someplace where he can't be found-"

"Who is?" A voice asked from behind.

"Jazz? That you, robo-dude?" Hot Rod asked.

"Who else BUT the Jazz-Meister?" A white, red, black, and blue robot responded. He had a big white number four on his chest and had a sky blue visor over his eyes.

"Jazz!" Hot Rod shouted. "Hey guys, this is my main man, AND my favorite lieutenant, Jazz!" Hot Rod shouted to the CHiPs. "Jazz, these are our new friends: Uhhh- What were your guys' names again?"

"We never introduced ourselves period." Max said.

"Oh. Well then... Introduce away!" Hot Rod said.

"I'm Sergeant Joe Walker. I have been here at the CHP since 1975!" Walker explained.

"Officer Frank Turner, been here since '88! I've been thinking about doing standup comedy as a hobby!"

"Officer Evan Oakley, joined in 1981 and goin on ten years in!"

"Officer Paul Madison, joined in 1983, and still gaining weight! It really sucks. Everyone just calls me Maddy."

"Officer Tina DeFazzio, I've been here for a year now, and you won't believe how much crap I get from the drivers!"

"Officer Brian Barstow, been around since 85, and loving every minute of it!"

"Officer Max Lopez, joined in 1983, and I get the ladies... Most of the time!"

"Officer Cindy Kahan, joined up about seven years ago! It's not all it's cracked up to be!"

"Officer Randi Tyler, joined in '88 and I'm going for a degree in engineering!"

"Officer Bruce Stevens, joined in 1989, but not for the pay!"

"Officer Dean McQueen, joined last year, and working my way to being the hottest CHiP in the history of CHiPs!"

"And I'm Louis Arness, the head mechanic!"

"Whoa. Lotta names! Good thing I remembered em all!" Jazz said.

"I know. I have a hard time remembering my own name sometimes!" Walker said.

"You got a condition, dude." Hot Rod said as Red Alert woke up again. "Oh, scrap..."

"Shut up, Hot Rod..." Red Alert said.

"Next time, Randi, say something MORE shocking!" Maddy joked.

"Yeah so he'll stay down longer!" Hot Rod said.

"And so we know what you want Hot Rod to do to you!" Dean shouted.

"Oh, bite me, you bastard!" Randi shouted.

"Oh I love a girl who talks dirty!" Dean shouted.

"Dean! Come on-" Max shouted.

"Just shut up! All of you!" Walker shouted to all the CHiPs as he turned back to Jazz. "How'd you know where to find him?" Walker asked.

"It ain't rocket science! Prowl sent someone to Prime and he radioed me while I was on a date!" Jazz explained.

"So it's over? The word's out?" Hot Rod asked.

"No way! This thing has only begun! According to Prime's sources, the Combaticons and the Decepticons are in cahoots with your crooks and thieves!" Jazz explained. "If anything, he wants you to kick this thing into overdrive!"

"Yeah?" Hot Rod asked.

"Damn!" Red Alert shouted.

"And we're gonna need the help of the CHP!" Jazz said.

"Wow... Really?" Walker asked, dumbfounded as Jazz nodded his head. "OK then, will we need all of the CHP?" Walker asked.

"No... Too many humans already know we exist. The last thing we need is for Megatron to go after the entire CHP..." Red Alert said.

"So then how many of us should go?" Max asked.

"Prowl would know that answer, but I think all of you guys will be all we'll need." Hot Rod assured.

"Then let's... find him?" Evan asked, confused.

"No. Hot Rod said the only way to reach him is to find him, but what if we go search for him, and he checks here while we're out?" Randi deduced as everyone gathered around her.

"Tyler, Tell me again why you're not a Captain by now?" Walker asked.

"Cause I'm a woman..." Randi said.

"Ah... I'll take that up with the commissioner when this is all over-" Walker started as everyone else started acting up.

"What?" Max shouted.

"Hey!" Cindy and Tina shouted in unison.

"Where's OUR promotions?" Turner asked.

"What the hell, Sarge?" Maddy asked.

"Where's MY randy redhead?" Dean cried.

"Shut up, Dean!" Tina shouted.

"Oh, fine! Promotions for whoever the commissioner approves them for! And Dean?" Walker appeased.

"Yeah?" Dean listened.

"You want a redhead?" Walker asked.

"Yeah. Please?" Dean pleaded.

"Then stop trying to hit on everything that walks!" Walker stated.

"Harshness..." Dean muttered.

"That good enough?" Walker asked.

"Yes, Joe..." The CHiPs said in unison.

"You guys in?" Hot Rod asked.

"Guess so!" Walker finalized.

"YES! FINALLY! SOME FREAKING ACTION! ALRIGHT-" Hot Rod shouted in glee as he literally ran into- guess who? Prowl, Ratchet, Inferno and the Protectobots in their Alt Modes of course! "Who put that Datsun there?" Hot Rod shouted.

"Hot Rod... Try to calm down... Please?" Ratchet pleaded calmly as he transformed to robot mode.

"Oh fine!" Hot Rod said.

"Why is Jazz here?" Prowl asked.

"I showed up because Prime sent me with a message: The Combaticons and Decepticons are in cahoots with your crooks! We've got to find out what they're doing! We find the crooks, we find the Cons!" Jazz explained.

"Stick around. We might need your help." Prowl ordered.

"I got an audible ready, just say the word, old friend!" Jazz shouted.

"That's the most I've ever heard Prowl say..." Hot Rod whispered to the CHiPs as Prowl overheard this and picked him up, and threw him into the ground outside.

"It's like they say: Actions speak louder than words." Turner said.

"You can say THAT again, Frankie!" Randi remarked.

"Well, my actions speak WAY louder than words!" Dean shouted.

"Whatever, Dean! If that's true, when are you gonna act instead of talk?" Randi remarked as everyone broke out in laughs and "OHHHH!"s.

"Oh, sit on it, Randi!" Dean shouted as he stormed to his 1982 DeLorean DMC-12.

"Hey, Dean! You ride with me! I'll show you the tricks of the trade!" Streetwise shouted.

"Thanks, uhh-" Dean stuttered.

"Streetwise is the name!" Streetwise said.

"Thanks, Streetwise!"

"Anytime!"

"No freaking fair! I wanted to ride with Streetwise!" Cindy shouted.

"Why don't you both ride with me?" Streetwise asked.

"Cause I don't like him!" Cindy shouted.

"Cause she wants to kill me!" Dean cried.

"You ever wonder why?" Cindy asked.

"Cause you're psycho?" Dean smart-assed.

"You're making me wish I was because then, I'd have an excuse to do that!" Cindy threatened.

"Too late!" Dean shouted as Streetwise began to restrain them.

"Shut up, you guys! You're both gonna ride with me together and nobody is gonna say nothing! Got that?" Streetwise asked.

"Fine." Dean and Cindy said together.

"Good!" Streetwise said as he transformed.

"What now?" Walker asked.

"We roll... All around town..."

"That's out of our jurisdiction!" Walker said.

"No, yours has just been expanded. For the time being, you guys are with us. Your jurisdiction has just been expanded." Prowl stated.

"If he says..." Walker said as Prowl transformed and he and Louis got in. Jazz transformed into a white Porsche 928 with a comically large spoiler, and "Maddy" Madison and Frank Turner got in. Groove transformed into a CHP speeder (motorcycle), and Bruce Stevens and Tina DeFazzio got on. Blades transformed into a Police Helicopter, and Brian Barstow and Evan Oakley got in. Last but not least, Hot Rod got back up and transformed into an orange and magenta futuristic muscle car, and Randi Tyler and Max Lopez got inside of him. The Protectobots, Autobots, and CHiPs rode into the night... To face the Decepticon/Combaticon/Crooked threat...


End file.
